A deeper look into my story of change.

January 22, 2013 -
96 comments, add yours

Hi all – today I felt that the time was right to share my story.

More than you may realize that I’ve been through to get where I am today.

My blog has changed my life, for the better. I never thought that just sharing my recipes would lead me into my future business. I can’t even begin to describe the feeling I get when I receive an e-mail from a follower who says I’ve helped change their life just from sharing my stories. Gosh, it all started with a post about a recipe & now I’m posting about all sorts of things! Throughout the last year & a half of having this blog, I’ve opened up about a lot of meaningful topics that I’ve personally dealt with.

Whether it be my pro’s & con’s of competing, my food allergies, my recipes, myths, or sharing simple stories that happen day to day, it’s safe to say that my blog is my outlet. I love being able to share my stories without feeling like I’m “working”. In all honesty, I’m not a big writer. Yes, English was always my favorite class in high school, but that didn’t always correlate to my blog. I’m more of a visual reader. I like pictures, big fonts, big words, & everything to be centered on a page. There are times where I have a lot to say, but don’t always end up writing a long blog post thinking people may not sit and actually read it. Then I think to myself…gosh, I am lucky enough to have this website, this blog, that I am so passionate about as an open forum to share my thoughts & feelings with hopes that I can help someone who may not have this to feel that they are not alone.

Growing up… I was a normal care-free child.

IMG_0487 

(And I promise that Ozzy Osbourne & Elton John were not my parents)

Playing outside, scraped knees, wearing velcrow shoes were all the norm with me.

I never thought that before entering Junior High, that I would be dealing with certain anxieties that would change my life.

During these anxieties I always felt “alone”.
I felt that I was the ONLY one dealing with a certain issue.

The day I realized I wasn’t alone, was the day I was able to overcome this huge obstacle in my life.

So, let’s start talking.

One day after 4th grade, I got off the bus and headed to my comforting little house we grew up in. I never thought that meeting my mom off of the bus would lead to a conversation of a big decision my parents had made. We were moving.

It wasn’t like we decided to get up and move to a different state…we literally moved 4 minutes down the road in the same township, but it sure felt like we were leaving the country.

There were no negative reasons to our move –my parents simply just wanted to move into a bigger home since my brother & I were growing up. My 4th grade mind could not understand this. I only thought about the negative aspect and how this would change my life.

The word CHANGE is something that I found myself battling for the next years of my life.

I remember sitting down at my dads work desk & scribbling all over the table top calendar “I DO NOT WANT TO MOVE!” “WHY ARE WE MOVING!” “THIS STINKS!” Thinking that these words would be seen & change my parents minds.

Well, the chicken scratch didn’t change anything and we ended up moving down the road. You may be thinking – why such a big deal? Well, our school district had 7 Elementary schools at the time. Moving 4 minutes down the road meant switching elementary schools. I had been at the same school growing up with the same friends & day to day routine that I became so comfortable in. I always pictured myself “graduating” from 6th grade and entering into the Junior High with the same group of best friends that I had known since kindergarten. How dare we move and ruin this whole concept I had in my head?

I knew one student at my new Elementary school. He was a childhood friend that grew up across the street from my Grandparents and may or may not have thrown sand in my eyes when we played together as babies. Yes, I still mess with him about that to this day.

In 5th grade, boys had cooties and girls did too – therefore, he was not going to embrace me on the first day with a huge friendly hug. He ignored me like the plague – but who can blame him? In 5th grade, a boy hanging out with a girl wasn’t the “cool” thing to do.

I was on my own…trying to do this whole “be my friend” thing that I had already done years before that at my old school.

I couldn’t help but think of my friends who were starting their 5th grade year all buddy-buddy with the same friends we all grew up knowing- while I sat alone at lunch.

Now, that didn’t last too long – I did become friends with a group of girls where we referred to ourselves as “the big dogs”. That’s a whole other story in itself, ha. But, they were friends nonetheless. Now you’re probably thinking where is the “big” issue here? Well let’s move onto the day that did me in..
I’ll never forget this day; both of the 5th grade classes combined together to watch a video in our class room. We were all sitting in our chairs in a semi-circle around the large TV stand. Out of nowhere, you heard a bunch of chairs slide across the floor & a noise that we all don’t like to hear…a student was throwing up.

The throw up in the class sent me spiraling out of control with emotions. Yes, throw up.

The students all screamed and ran away as if they were being chased in a tag game. This feeling was something I had never felt before & little did I know, would change my life forever.

Now you may be wondering why throw up was a big deal. Well, I later came to find that it wasn’t really the throw up that was the issue (ill get to that) but for a long time I had a deep fear of other people throwing up, me throwing up, or being around anyone that “didn’t feel good” because I legit was afraid of getting sick because in my head- that always lead to possibly throwing up.

This episode made me become a germ-o-phobic. I went out of my way to avoid any germs. I would use my sleeve to open a door handle, use my foot to put down a toilet seat, washed my hands every time they felt dirty (which was about every 30 minutes), and don’t even get me started on the nurses office. I had this fear of the nurses office because in my head I referred to it as a
germ infested room where there may be the sight, smell, or noise of, yet again, throw up.

It’s safe to say that anything may involve germs I avoided like the plague. Pun intended.
This fear started to turn into an obsession. I started to avoid social situations and wouldn’t step foot into the café-gym-atorium. (Cafeteria, gym, auditorium – We had a 3 in one at our elementary school).

One day during lunch, one of the boys did something gross at the lunch table that resulted in his friend losing his lunch all over the floor- and I don’t mean that he got bumped holding his tray. The feeling of not having “control” over these situations made me fear being around them. This lead to little 5th grade Kasey eating lunch every day in the main office with the secretary. (Who I recently worked with at the high school where I subbed – such a small world and she is always so excited when I told her what I’ve been up to.)
If I wasn’t in the office eating lunch, I was in the school counselor’s office coloring to keep my mind off of my anxiety.

Unfortunately, these anxieties of losing control started to manifest into a deep anxiety of food.
Now, in 5th grade I did not understand or ever hear of the word “anorexia”. We now look back & realize that I just was never really “diagnosed”. I started to keep this this “unapproved” list of foods in my head that couldn’t be combined. Which means, I had this idea in my head where I couldn’t eat foods like fruit & meat in the same meal “because they couldn’t go together”. I had a fear that combining unlike food items would upset my stomach and make me sick – which would lead to throwing up.
Therefore, I wasn’t really slowly eliminating foods from my “approved” list in my head to lose weight, but to prevent sickness. Which really meant, I hardly ate anything.

I started to live by the clock. I was obsessed with eating meals 4 hours apart. I once heard, probably on the news, that it took 4 hours for food to digest. Therefore in 5th grade Kasey’s mind, I wouldn’t even think about eating another meal if it hadn’t been AT LEAST 4 hours.

I also had this weird thing about desserts. If I ate dinner…I allowed 1 hour until I ate dessert. You can even ask my family- they will still joke (in a nice way) about my “hour rule”.
Without even realizing it, I was spiraling down this path of rules & regulations I was putting on myself without realizing my rapid weight loss during this time.

I went from a chubby cheeked round headed 4th grader weighing in at almost 96 lbs….

IMG_0486

To an 80lb 6th grade string bean who hit her growth spurt while also suffering from an anxiety & eating disorder all within 1 year.

Now, the growth spurt and weight loss was probably inevitable since I did grow multiple inches…
but, the 16lb weight loss is something that isn’t really the norm between 5th & 6th grade.

IMG_0488

I recently came across this picture the other day while cleaning out my room & that’s one of the reasons why I felt it was time to share this part of my story. I saw my arms in this picture & felt sick to my stomach. I never noticed the weight loss –I was too concerned about anything and everything that had to do with time & food to even look in the mirror.
The fears began to affect every area of my life, including my family. If I wasn’t freaking out over the times we ate our meals, I was usually gripping onto the bathroom towel while my mom attempted to help me get ready for school. Going to school was the worst feeling in the world.

Knowing that I would go to bed and have to wake up and go to school literally made me feel sick to my stomach. The constant stress wreaked havoc on my colon & intestines. I spent many hours in fetal position dealing with issues of IBS from all of the stress I was under. (Ill get into that in my next post – all about poop & plumbers).
Looking back, I give my parents so much credit. They did everything they could to try and get me to eat, not worry about food combining, & to try and be a “normal” happy stress-free child.
I’ll never forget the moment when I was brushing my teeth in the bathroom in tears & trembling at the thought of having to go to school. My mom came in and I told her “I can’t go mommy, I don’t feel good.” She proceeded to go through the same speech she gave every day –
“Kase, we have to try and go to school … everything will be fine.”

This was probably the 20th day I would’ve missed school, so she got frustrated & tried to pick me up to get me out of the bathroom as I held onto that orange striped bath towel for dear life. She put me down (no harm to me at all) and threw her hands up in the air and said “I honestly don’t know what to do with you anymore Kasey.”
Now, this is in NO WAY bad parenting. My mom and dad dealt with this for a whole year on their own and literally had no idea what else to do with me to end this anxiety battle.
The feeling I got when my mom said those words was something I can’t explain. What do you do when your parent doesn’t know what to do with you anymore? Something was wrong. At that point, my 5th grade mind accepted that I had a problem. That day, we both went into the school & spoke with the school counselor who lead us to a therapist.

The thought of going to a therapist was something I avoided for a while until we actually walked into the office. I pictured the whole lying on the s shaped chair while someone sat next to you and said “Tell me how you really feel.”

I did not want to go to therapy but now realize, I am who I am today because of taking that positive step forward. It was not easy at first…and never really was “easy” to talk about my issues as a 5th grader. A lot of things I didn’t really understand. Why do I fear throw up? Well, I came to find that “throw up” wasn’t really the issue after all. It was the feeling that I got when that situation happened. The feeling of “no control” over the situation was the deep down issue I was dealing with here; not the throw up.

This concept of “fear of losing control” was something that I worked on for years & still do struggle with to this day. I like control. I liked controlling that fact that I PICKED when I ate. Every 4 hours, like clock work, I would “allow myself” to eat another meal. And guess what, I got an adrenaline rush whenever that clock would hit 4 hours- because I knew I was “allowed” to eat and it gave me a great feeling.

In 5th grade, I was forced (in a good way) to grow up quickly & understand concepts that most 5th graders were not even aware of.
I sacrificed some of my childhood to really heal myself & my mind. If it wasn’t for therapy, I don’t know what would’ve happened.

I always felt so “alone” and that no other 5th grader ever felt like I did. But, I remember one day when another student asked my why I got so upset when someone felt sick and I explained to her how I felt- she too felt the same way! She started crying, telling me how she got so scared if someone got sick. This moment made me realize, I am not alone. And together, we helped her work on this.

I also wanted to say that through all of this, none of the other students really knew what I was going through. Why I had to sit at the last table in the corner in the lunch room. They didn’t understand how much it actually took just to get me to even EAT in the cafeteria with all of them. There was one girl though, Michelle, who helped me more than she’ll ever know. She didn’t understand 100% what I Was going through, but she was the one person who never judged me for the decisions I made. She used to eat lunch with me & stood by my side regardless of where I ate lunch that day.

One day, we were on a bus trip to a field trip (which, was another huge anxiety for me – being a bus where I had no control over what was to happen) and one of the students threw up on the ride home in the seat behind me. This was about 1 year into my struggle so I was not yet able to handle these situations 100% yet. I’ll never forget Michelle moving to the seat in front of me and saying to me “Kasey, just look at me up here..It’s all okay! Just keep talking to me, ok?” Michelle will never realize how thankful I was then and now to have someone like her in my life at this time. So Michelle, if you’re by chance reading this…thank you.

To sum up those 2 years (from 5th – 6th grade) – it was not easy.

I continued to go to therapy for years and only recently have stopped but I will absolutely go back if I ever feel that I need to!

It is not a weakness to get help.

There were many hours spent crying, praying, & dealing with this anxiety disorder through therapy & love that I had to face at a young age..
But I will never forget my mom saying to me,
“You’re not alone, Kasey. This is a speed bump along your road of life, not a brick wall.”

And guess what, as a family, we pulled together and helped me overcome this speed bump.

So much for not being a big story teller blogger, huh?

Well I thought, starting my own business now & moving forward in my life was a great time to share my true deep down issues that I dealt with.
And guess what, I still deal with these things!

It’s something that never goes away – but you learn how to handle & manage it.

Change happens – and instead of freaking out over it – I embrace it and have faith that God has lead me down this path for a reason.
I am able to relate to others from dealing with what I have dealt with.

And as far as where I am now…I am so proud of myself.
I’ve come a long long way from that anxiety driven 5th grader.
I am now a proud 23 year old young lady who wants to help others realize they are NOT ALONE in their journeys.

IMG_6695

Yes, I grew up quickly at a young age, but wouldn’t change anything about that.
I highly suggest therapy for anyone and everyone.
It is not what you picture – it is a way of dealing with deep down emotions that you may be afraid of facing.

I never liked talking about the issues –but once I did –It was like the weight of the world was off my shoulders.

Accepting and actually saying the anxiety out loud will help you get through it.
You’ve got to accept it to move forward!

Honestly, the fact that I graduated as a health and physical education teacher
and worked in schools is something that in 5th grade, would be the biggest fear of my life.

I am proud of the fact that I worked in schools with students of all ages and could help inspire them along the way in their journeys.

IMG_0660

I am proud of the that I no longer live by the clock with food.

IMG_0160

I am proud of the fact that I eat POWERBOWLS & POWERMEALS DAILY
where I combine foods that I would’ve cried just looking at, is an accomplishment in itself.

IMG_8301

I am proud of the fact that I am strong.

IMG_6457

I am proud of the fact that I no longer have concaved arms & I fuel my body properly.

IMG_0489IMG_5770

I am proud of the fact that I can eat food less than an hour apart, or less than 4 hours apart, for that matter, is a huge step in my life.

IMG_6287

These things may seem like small steps to others- but these are HUGE steps to me.

My family can’t get over how far I’ve come and neither can I. I am so proud of myself and my family and friends for their constant support.

I am not perfect – no one is.

My story isn’t any more sad or hard than yours maybe –
but guess what, I don’t judge my story compared to yours.

WE ALL DEAL WITH ISSUES.

WE ALL DEAL WITH FEARS.

WE ALL DEAL WITH ANXIETY.

But, the beautiful part about all of this is that we ARE NOT ALONE.

Some people may come off “perfect” like they have it all together –
but you never know what they have dealt with to get to that point in their life.

The fact that I can take what I’ve been through and use it to help myself & others with their journeys is something that I truly think I was put on this earth to do.

Thank you for reading this & supporting me in my journey to help others & inspire.

There will be a part 2 to this story…
where I go deeper into the issues I faced with my colon & digestion and where I am currently with that.

I thank you if you took the time to get to know me a little bit better – your constant support means the world to me.

2f110810073a11e29a8c22000a1c9e37_6

The motto “BE TRUE TO YOU” is something I so strongly believe in –
I am me, not you. You are you, not me.
BE YOURSELF & be proud of where you come from and where you are going!

Don’t judge others stories – accept their differences.Red heart

We need less judgment & more acceptance.

beTrueToYouBTN-400x130

More Posts You Might Enjoy

Blueberry Lemon CHIA JAM Filled PowerSquares!
Getting back into a routine with 5 Ingredient Lentil Loaf!
Sugar-Free VEGA Energizer GIVEAWAY!

Category: beTRUEtoYOU, Blog, FitFluential

96 responses to “A deeper look into my story of change.”

  1. Jami Gobao says:

    Thanks for sharing your story girl! You are such a great influence and inspiration to all!

    XO!

  2. Blair says:

    All I can say is “wow!” I really enjoyed reading that and gaining a better understanding of your struggle plus how you overcame it! I haven’t known too many people with eating disorders that are willing to talk about it so openly…sharing your thoughts and how everything developed and unfolded for you was interesting to read.

    Thank you for sharing your story and to continue to share your recipes and life with us!! I check your blog daily and look forward to new stuff from you!

  3. Karla says:

    What a beautiful ending to a tough experience, Kasey. As someone who has struggled in the past with anorexia myself, I agree 1,000% with what you said: “WE ALL DEAL WITH ISSUES. We ARE NOT ALONE.” Therapy was key for me as well–and is the furthest thing from a sign of weakness!

    Thanks so much for sharing your story. And keep rockin’!

  4. Great post! Congrats on coming so far, and thanks for sharing your story! You give others “permission” to open up about their struggles.

  5. Such an inspiring story! It reminds me a lot of my sister – she hit puberty and struggled with eating as well. She’s 25 now and thriving. Cheers to healing!

  6. Reading about what you have overcome is refreshing to hear, you are a great example to many young women out there. Be true to you is probably the best motto to live by. You have come far and it shows in your confidence and self awareness

  7. Brooke says:

    Thank you for this story! I have actually had the same fear of throwing up since I was 6 years old and we moved (to another state). I was diagnosed with Depression in my early teens and underwent treatment for anorexia in my early 20’s. Only recently did I see a doctor who told me that my primary diagnosis is Anxiety Disorder, and everything else comes from that. My anxieties are under control at times and flare up at times…I have to say, with 2 young children, throwing up has become a part of my life, but that has only made it harder for me to handle. My poor kids started using hand sanitizer at 6 months! Yet this fear, as well as others including the anorexia, all stem from a fear of not being in control. Its so frustrating because I know, rationally, that my fears don’t make sense, yet they don’t go away! You are the first person I’ve heard of having that same fear. So thank you, for encouraging me, and helping me know I’m not alone!

    • Kasey says:

      Hi Brooke -it’s amazing how we are all more similar than we realize! Thank you for being so honest and I’m sending positive thoughts your way to deal with your anxieties! You can do anything you set your mind too <3

  8. Kim Perry says:

    Wow thanks for sharing Kasey! That takes strength!
    I’m happy you had the help and guidance you needed at such a young age.

  9. I am so sorry to hear you had to go through that at such a young age, but what a stronger person it has made you!

    I guess it just hit me a lot later because that it finally where I am at (almost) 30. My anorexia hit me after ironically a move as well. (I’ve been told by my therapist big changes can spark eating disorders, makes sense since eating disorders are all about control) but I am now finally at that point where I realize food is not my enemy, it is fuel for my body and I WILL be strong.

    Thank you for sharing your story, our struggles make us who we are and you are amazing so if anything we need to focus on the positives that come from our negatives!

  10. Melinda says:

    Kasey, your story made me cry a little! My daughter started dealing with anxiety at about the same time as you but in different ways. She is your age (she will be 23 in two weeks) and is now in a transitional living home dealing with alcoholism. I know that God is with her on her journey and that he will use her experiences and trials to help others. How I wish I would have gotten therapy for my daughter! I didn’t really know. But we just have to move forward and share our stories in the hope that it may help someone else. Kudos! and kudos to your parents!!

    • Kasey says:

      Hi Melinda, thank you for being so honest! It’s a hard road but it seems like you’ve got the right mind set to keep pressing forward! Things will get better with time , just keep believing! You are being a great parent and my parents totally appreciate your kind words as well!

  11. Carolina says:

    Thanks for sharing your story with us Kasey, it really means a lot knowing that in fact WE ARE NOT ALONE. I am really proud of what you’ve accomplished so far.

    I would love if you write a post about dealing with emotional eating or eating disorders, I know is not your situation but if you have experienced something like that with your clients, please share it with us. I’ve gone to therapy since a few months ago but haven’t find my way to deal with it or to find happiness in my life. I am really trying but I don’t know whats going on with me.

    Anyways, thanks Kasey I admire you so much! Keep being an awesome human being.

  12. Lisa says:

    Thank you for sharing your story Kasey. It’s so inspiring and touching. I’ve suffered from a lot of these types of things as well. Not only with anorexia, but OCD, panic disorder and anxiety. It’s been a long road but I’m finally seeing the light. Your post made me quite emotional, but it’s a beautiful story of how far you’ve come and it’s amazing to see the progress you’ve made! You’re beautiful inside and out!

  13. Maya says:

    Wow Kassey you have been through so much! Well done for perseverance through those hard times <3 I agree that therapy is one of the best things ever, it helped me so much. In Y7 (6th grade ?) I had a fear of sleeping in my own bed. Every night I had to sleep on the floor in a sleeping bag next to my parents. This disrupted my sleep and made me dread going to bed at night. I was probably getting 5hrs of sleep a night which is not healthy for an 11 year old. I will always remember the night when my parents wouldn't let me sleep on the bedroom floor so I stayed up all night reading a book on the landing floor outside their bedroom, tears rolling down my face :( But I went to see a councillor and now (8 yrs later) I love my bed and all my night-time anxiety has gone away!!

  14. You are simply AMAZING. I am so glad you did this post-as you will HELP SO many others. Nice Job Casesy!!

  15. Nicole says:

    You are strong physically & emotionally. Inspiring story of change and overcoming personal anxieties. Thank you for sharing your truth with us.

  16. Thank you for sharing your story, Kasey. Beautifully written, and it is amazing how far you’ve come. You are inspiring to so many people!

  17. Karen says:

    Thanks for sharing your story. You are BRAVE and so strong, in every sense of the word! 😉 love your blog and you’re awesome!

  18. Colleen says:

    Kasey, I just started following your blog yesterday…and WOW am I happy to have joined! God Bless you on your journey and thank you for having the courage to share with us. I admire you and am thankful for you!

  19. stephanie says:

    as soon as i read, “heard a kid throwing up” i immediately got goosebumps.

    i cannot even begin to tell you how similar our stories are. i was in 1st grade at a school that definitely wasn’t the right fit for me and one day a boy named jesse, who ate doritos everyday for lunch (i’ll always remember that detail) started throwing up. my mom had worked in the library which was conveniently located next store to my classroom so i literally picked up, and booked it over to see her where she could hold me and tell me that everything was going to be alright.

    she wasn’t there. i panicked. i literally was a 5-year-old having an anxiety attack. i was so consumed with the idea that i was going to get sick it stopped me dead in my tracks and i had to get out of that school. i came home and immediately pronounced that i was sick. i told my dad and my mom as well as my baby sister that i couldn’t eat dinner and that i was feeling very ill. they noticed that i was looking pale, and offered to make me soup, any of my favorite foods, anything to make me feel better. i refused. from that day on for the next two or three weeks i refused to go to school, terrified that i would be in contact with the germs from that boy and i would throw up. i also refused to eat anything except small bites that my parents forced me to consume. they thought i was really sick and started bringing me to doctors and specialists and anything they could think of. i remember it being halloween and my parents forcing me to choose a piece of candy to eat, i chose gum knowing very well that i didn’t have to swallow it.

    i finally had to go back to school only with the promise of my dad and mom picking me up half day to see another doctor. i had lost weight that me being young couldn’t afford to lose. my parents thought there was something wrong with my intestine and we’re really concerned as any parent would be that i literally couldn’t get food down. i remember having to go to a specialist and wearing a hospital gown and standing behind a screen while i was forced to drink this terrible tasting milkshake and the doctors watched it travel down my intestine.

    my parents were relived to find that nothing was wrong with me and i felt “cured”. i left the specialist feeling better but with another diagnosis, anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder. i remember going to wendy’s as a special treat afterwards and only wanting to get a frosty because the milkshake that i had prior hadn’t made me throw up. my parents told me that wendy’s had a rule that you could only get a milkshake if you got a hamburger. i thought this was a real rule on wendy’s part.

    i’m sorry for the rant. i could tell you how my ocd had literally cost me pounds and pounds of both weight gain and weight loss but i won’t. thank you so much for sharing your story. it’s refreshing to hear that we went through similar situations.

    stephanie

    • Kasey says:

      Stephanie -wow, your story gave me goosebumps. Isn’t it amazing how we all can relate to one another? I am so glad that you can talk about it now and if you ever want to share your story I would love to feature you on the blog! I am so thankful for you being so honest <3

  20. Jayne says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story, I know that a lot of people will be able to identify with your story. Such an inspirational story and I can relate to anxiety. I get so anxious if I have to call someone I don’t know, if I have to go somewhere I don’t know. So much so that I put off doing things. This is the reason I run outside and never step foot in a gym. But I am going to face my fears and get through this. I am starting by taking a spin class by myself, in a place I have never been to before on Friday. I am scared but also excited! It takes baby steps right? I know this probably seems silly to most people but it is just the way I am!

    It is because of people like you sharing your stories that I feel that I can overcome my own anxiety. So thank YOU!

    • Kasey says:

      Jayne – it’s so true, sometimes we put off things that we want to do most because of our fears but we can work together to help each other overcome those feelings! You are doing great things!! <3

  21. Caitlin says:

    Um, wow Kasey. I’m practically SPEECHLESS. Thank you so much for trusting me and other readers with this deeply personal story! You have ALWAYS inspired me as I battle my own demons with food and exercise, and now I can say that more than EVER! You’ve overcome so much, anxieties beyond food too. I know if you can do it, I can too! I still feel badly that my parents have to deal with my issues over timing of eating. I don’t have numerical rules but if I dont feel hungry “enough” I feel like I can’t eat a full dinner. So if we have plans to go out to eat and I don’t feel hungry, I sometimes beg my parents to reschedule our reservations or, if I’m really hungry, move them earlier so that I can eat then and don’t have to eat a snack and worry about being hungry later. I so appreciate their support but sometimes I feel like my mom wants to throw her hands up in the air like your mom did when you didn’t want to go to school. She is running out of things to say and I think just wishes saying “It’ll be okay, Caitlin” would just stop my worries. It won’t but I know that with work (I’m in therapy too, yes no shame in asking for help!) I can get there. Thank you Kasey! You are so beautiful and strong!

    • Kasey says:

      Caitlin – you are doing amazing!! Just talking about it can help <3 getting therapy is such a strong thing to do! Positive thoughts are being sent your way!!

  22. Kasey thank you so much for opening up and sharing your story. I know firsthand how difficult it is to share your personal struggles for the world to see but I can guarantee you are helping so many people by doing so. You have so much to be proud of!

  23. Elle says:

    I think you are a brave and beautiful and strong young woman who has the world at her feet. Reach for the stars!

  24. Marisa says:

    Kasey, I really enjoyed this story and think you are AWESOME!

    <3 Marisa

  25. Kayci says:

    OMG Kasey, I remember having the same terrible fears and anxieties in 5th and 6th grade! I remember sharing a few lunches with you in the counselors office because the cafeteria was so overwhelming. I also would have my mom drop my off at school, just to run back in the van and say I couldn’t do it. So strange after all these years to look back at that time in my life of panic attacks and anxiety.

    So glad you took your struggles and made such positive changes :) Can’t wait to see what the future has in store for you! You’re doing so wonderful. Keep it up !

    • Kasey says:

      Kayci – thank you so much for commenting! I was referring to you whenever I said someone else had the same fear! You really helped me feel not alone :] Thank you!

  26. Dana says:

    Thanks for sharing your story Kassey. I appreciate your honesty. I spent most of my middle and high school years in and out of therapy. Sometimes, I felt like a weird-o. But honestly, I’m so glad that I got the help then and I am much stronger now. It also helps make asking for help less stressful now. You are right, no one is perfect! It takes work constant, steady, ongoing work to grow into the person we are meant to be :)

  27. I loved reading your story and learning more about YOU! I also dealt with severe anxiety issues around that age, recognized I was driving myself insane and made a conscious effort to change. We are all works in progress!

  28. You are simply amazing!!!! I want to come back & read again since my mind does not work great later in the day. :)

    AT the end, you wrote this: The motto “BE TRUE TO YOU” is something I so strongly believe in –
    I am me, not you. You are you, not me.
    BE YOURSELF & be proud of where you come from and where you are going!

    I have been saying this too for a long time.. I am so glad you are preaching it to all that will listen!!!!

    Thank you for sharing!

  29. What a powerful testimony you have! I cannot wait to see how you are able to impact so many more lives and help generations learn to love themselves as well :)

    I was struck (and reminded) how easy it is for people to look at other people and pass judgment based on outward appearances. What a great lesson in being true to who I am. Period.

  30. Rachel says:

    Kasey, I am so proud of you! Ever since I met you, you have inspired me. My sister Megan and I have gotten our parents to buy healthier foods. It really is great to be fit with my whole family. You are such a strong and beautiful woman and God has blessed you in so many ways. I am so blessed and thankful that He brought you into my life. I am a better, happier, healthier, and more confident person because of you. Reading about your journey makes me feel like I’m not alone. Thank you for all that you have done for myself and others! You are so influential! I love you! <3

    • Kasey says:

      Rachel, you are too adorable for words! I am so happy I was able to help and still am ALWAYS here to help you and your family!! <3 Meeting amazing people like you tuly has changed my life <3 thank you for being YOU! LOVE YOU!

  31. Beth says:

    I’ve recently found you on IG, and adore your Instagram feed and am so excited to begin to follow your blog. Thank you for your beautiful and open blog post. I’m certain your words came at the right time for so, so many people. Thanks for your honesty. Hugs, sweetie!!

  32. Koko says:

    Thank you for sharing. This is a really major story, and so many people go through struggles like this but have nowhere to turn or no idea where to begin in dealing with them. Sharing this is an inspiration for many people. An honest and beautiful post!

  33. Anita says:

    such an inspiring story. I can definitely relate to having digestive issues and the uncomfortable symptoms that come along with it-never fun! But you slowly learn what does and what doesn’t work for you! Like you said, be true to you :)

  34. LOVE this, thanks for sharing!! xoxo

  35. Graceless says:

    Kasey,
    Your story is amazing! I deal with a lot of anxiety on a daily basis, but, like you, have come so far. It so good to know that someone else knows what I deal with. Setting goals like completing half marathons has helped ease so much of that anxiety since I’m striving for a goal of what I can achieve, not what I have to limit. Thank you for letting readers know they’re not alone! <3

  36. Purelytwins says:

    thank you so much for sharing this!!! you are an amazing person, and so inspiring to us (plus many others!)
    love ya

  37. Your story really hits home to me, as I can relate to so much of it!!! :) You’re a rock star, such an inspiration to so many, and uh.. Welcome to the GUN SHOW! ahh ha ha ha!

  38. […] Hey all! Thank you SO much for your kind words & support with sharing my deeper story of change. […]

  39. Kasey, this is beautiful. You are beautiful! As someone who went through similar “food issues” growing up and struggled between feeling chubby to being too thin & hungry (and not recognizing it) this totally resonates with me and I admire your honesty!

    Now, on my journey through starting my own business as well I totally commend you for taking the plunge, listening to your heart (and your body) and going after your dreams! It’s the best way to be :)

  40. Tamela Ward says:

    Thank you for sharing your story and your life. I enjoy your posts for so many reasons. I have two teenage daughters and a son. One daughter was diagnosed with Hashimotto’s hypothyroidism last year so we have been through a journey of our own. I am by profession an elementary school counselor so I am cautious of how I approach weight issues and focus on making healthy choices. This post reminded me that many of my school girls need to know they are not alone. Think it’s time to let some paperwork go and get into some classrooms again and be there for these kids! Keep it up. You’re making a positive difference in a huge way. Thanks for being you. Be true to you!

  41. Bravery, honestly…you put yourself out there, told your story and I love you even more. Thank you for sharing. Food and I haven’t always been the best of friends, it’s always going to be a touchy relationship but luckily thanks to fitness, comedy, and being myself I am working towards loving myself more and more everyday. Blogs like yours and mine are similar in that we want others to love themselves and BE GOOD TO THEMSELVES, we are worth it. Thank you for fighting for this message, I feel all young girls should have this TAUGHT to them….and eventually they will learn…sometimes the hard way (like you and I) but it’s blogs like yours and mine that help get that message out there. You’re beautiful on the inside and out, thank you so much for sharing. I look forward to following your fitness & food journey and support you 100%.

  42. Amanda R says:

    Girl you are so inspiring in so many ways. That is so courageous of you to share your private personal story and I am sure so many people are grateful for that! I absolutely love reading your blog and think you’re so amazing! Keep rockin it love! :)

  43. Melissa says:

    Hi Kasey. Wanted to check out your blog since Jessica Smith FF’d us both. Your story is amazing. Just have to ask if any doctor ever checked your strep titres, heavy metal levels or mentioned P.A.N.D.A.S. to you. Feel free to email me directly if you’re interested in discussing.

  44. […] having a great week! It’s been a very positive week with some of us bloggers really sharing our stories with you all & thank you to my girl Meg for giving me a high five today on her […]

  45. Melanie Ash says:

    Thank you for sharing your story. I, too suffered from debilitating anxiety growing up and into my 20s. It is only recently I discovered my fears were at heart, a fear of lack of control. I’m slowly learning to embrace the “unknown” but still struggle with these issues. It is comforting to know other people have dealt with it too.

  46. […] Kasey from Powercakes opened up about her struggles with serious anxiety and eating when she was very young for the first time on her blog! Her story is incredibly moving, and its wonderful to see how far she’s come in overcoming those struggles, and the beautiful strong woman she has become. You can read here. […]

  47. […] I opened up about my deeper struggle with changes. […]

  48. Jessica says:

    I recently was able to admit to myself that I have a problem with anxiety and that it controls my life in a very negative way, and reading your post(s) really helped me open my own eyes about it. Thank you for sharing, and thank you SO much for helping me realize I need to make a change. :-)

  49. Katy Widrick says:

    LOVE this post…so glad I found you!

  50. […] what – I know I am way stronger than I was a few years ago & have come a long way from the 5th grade anxiety driven Kasey to be happy and healthy […]

  51. Rony says:

    I am a man, and I could not stop reading your article. I have never had to deal with any issues that have affected me as your issues have affected you. But I was moved by your blog. You are truly blessed to have had “Michelle” in your life, and hope that you will reconnect one day. And you have a wonderful family at your side. May God continue to bless you on your journey, and that you can make a difference in all these lives that need someone to lean on. I hope your blog will reach all the boys and girls that are going through hard times, and through it they find out “THEY ARE NOT ALONE”. God Bless.

  52. […] I think so often people focus on external appearance or outside factors like working out or food to have control over some aspects in their lives. I will be the first to tell you that I grew up dealing with control issues which led me down a pretty low path at the age of 11. You can read more about that here [a deeper look into my story of change]. […]

  53. What a beautiful post! I suffer with anxiety as well, I love how open you are about it. You should be extremely proud how far you have came! Your such an inspiration to me :) xx

  54. […] girls at North Hills Senior High School. We had a “be true to you” workshop where I shared my story & struggle through body image issues. Then I led the girls through a “Dear Body” workshop where we all […]

  55. search says:

    Very nice article, totally what I needed.

    Check out my website – search

  56. […] “My thighs are huge.” and I can’t help but flash back to the Kasey who struggled in college with all of these rules I’d put on […]

  57. […] with starting at a new school with nobody that I knew. I wrote deeply about this experience [here] and I highly suggest you reading it if you’re interested in more of a back story on this […]

  58. Jason says:

    Just started following your articles ! Loved your inspiring story !

Leave a Reply